Assalamualaikum dun-ya

It is a hectic jammed pack first two weeks of my new semester. I almost lost from this world and going into the woods of elsewhere just to escape from these hectic-ness. Blinked my eyes every morning is a new challenge that I need to plan and face, not just to plan. Walk down the alley to faculty fears me, doubting whether I could face what I’ve planned or backing out.

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Everyday with killing subjects to understand and digest, pile of assignments and task, upcoming tests, flowing cases to understand and learning to attend. All in one day.

“There’s student who back out from this course at fourth year” –Dr. 

Know I could see with my own eyes that those saying is true.

During my tense and hay wired soul, I often turn to human to find comfort and solace. I know what I want and putting a high hope for them to fulfil it. They tried their best to help me, giving nice words,  cracking joke. But still I don’t get what I need and end up myself in disappointment and put more burden to them. Turn to Allah, is not my first choice since friends and colleague is closer to me in logic of mind and I thought just to wait for prayer time to turn to Him and tell my problem. Then, only after every prayer, does my heart and soul regain its normal vital.

The same routine, the same stressed, the same tense goes on and on. And still keep disappointing myself. I knew that remembering Him by zikr, recite Al Quran, pray, is the only way that effectively calm our heart.

Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah . Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.

Ar Ra’du 28

But why, I still feel lost.

One day, I heard from one of the tazkirah from the radio,

"Kalau ada masalah apa2, simpan dulu daripada manusia, Bagitau Allah dulu."
"If you have any problem, keep it away from human, tell it to Allah first"

And one stressful day, I realised there’s huge difference between turn to Him first and turn to Him later.  And I’m ashamed. Any problem came across, turn to Him first. Go to surau, pray, and tell Allah every details of your problem, tell Him first. Allah is always our first choice. People try and do their best to help us, but still, they are powerless human who destiny is also in Allah’s plan. Why we turn to human despite the most powerful and merciful Him? And yes, I was  blinded by syaitan’s  sweet words.

After every prayer, my day become better and not just that, He show the way, met me with the right person, calm my heart, all in all, everything become brighter. No more aching head and heart thinking about problem, only solution, is now I see.

I believe, every course has their own struggle and  hey, all of us want to grad isn’t? But I want to share, there’s a significant difference when we put Allah first even in every of our trials and problems, not just in performing our obligations. The key is, First.

Today is my third week of my third year! I still survived! Tests are coming, some assignments will finished soon and lots more to come. I want to make this third year as the best year of my study and life. And thank you to all of my support system, family, elmo, friends and you.