I actually posting this at my current farm practical place. I composed this on second Eid and continue to write some more using phone while on the bus on my way back to Rembau to my practical place. Here it is, and Happy Eid Mubarak :)
I arrived in Kedah after 12hours journey from Rembau to
Terminal Bersepadu Selatan(TBS) to Sungai Petani. Watching Eid announcement
from your Instastory in the bus! Alhamdulillah I arrived early than I expectedo Uber to go home, yes at very early in the morning, around 2.30am!
Pray a lot for my safety, but Alhamdulillah Allah found me a very nice Uber
driver. Then take some sleep for 3 and
half hours with the sisters at the middle of the living room! And woke up for
Sunat Hari Raya shower and Subuh prayer accompanied with Eid takbir The feeling is surreal. I made myself home
escaping from practical for a while, I made through the Finals in Ramadhan, and
I made it through the hardest of third
year of university life.
Third year is one of the hardest, and the
starting point of the hardest year of my study, naturally due to its
challenging syllabus and study hours. But For me, the challenge is doubled as I was
being tested with another obstacle revolving feelings and human being.
But eventually human has their turning point and I learnt
a lot from people who came into my unfortunate events. And we also eventually catch up into a good term
instead of prolong the damage further deep inside*we’re adult right? :)
Frankly speaking, when I was a child years back then, I am the
one who easily to sulk the most in my family. Overly sensitive, cannot tolerate
even with a lil bit harsh joke, and cannot be teased at all. I will sulk, not
going to talk to anyone, and that going
to continue for few days *terukkan? :P even worst, I did the same toward
my siblings and sometimes to my mom*but it doesn’t last that longgg, I cannotttt,
and I am sorryyy mamaa .
When this kind of
situation happen to me now (in 22years old time), I started to look into myself, that I should get over with those childish act. Until
when am I going to sulk and throwing tantrum over harsh word or joke and tease?
Until when am I going to get heart feeling over people talking behind my back
which it isn’t true?
During every of those
moments, I force to hold myself back from ranting about it over social
media even in abstract way nor direct. It is also a continuous test over and over. And I letting it go, again and again.
Forgive, forget , and keep on learning.
And always start over.
Everybody is just human. Who we are who can escape from
wrongdoings. My words may hurt someone’s heart now*im sorry if I did, but I really
hope you understand my blog on the bright side, my face expression may had
insulted someone’s feeling out of my knowledge and vision. Thinking of those,
who am I to create a fuss over others mistake.
For me, forgiving and forget, is the way for me to move
forward faster and further. Without forgiving, I have to bear the frustration
and hurt. Without forgetting, I will stuck at the same point, mourning over my
own sadness till others could sense my negative mood and drifting them away
from me instead. I can choose not to drain myself with negative feelings and
waste my energy thinking about others mistake who’s in fact, is imperfect and
never could be vice versa, which I couldn’t change anything about it. But one
thing for sure, I can change me.
Start from there, I hold the belief, that when I improve
myself, the rest will follows. As clearly said by Him, He never changes the
condition of the people unless they strive to change themselves, Quran 13:11.
Still, I need to keep myself grounded, by reminding myself that there will always
someone better than me in any aspect. Accept
criticism and I take that as the bullet that will shoot me straight to the
target.
Now when I think back about it, I cannot even recall the
details of the bad moments, I do remember the frustration feelings, but the
happy moments and joyful events throughout my third year wins over.
More meaningful when my unfortunate events come to its turning point during the Ramadhan, we confront and forgive each other, Alhamdulillah. Even this takes about one year, but this is how Allah taught me to always have good thought on anybody *husnulzhon, strengthen my soul by not easily get sensitive over small matter, and forgiving, as He the one who even always forgive His slaves. Semoga nur fadhilah tak cepat merajuk dah lepas ni. ^^
What a year!
